[VERONICA, spoken]
September 1st, 1989
Dear Diary:
I believe I'm a good person. You know, I think that there's good in everyone, but—here we are! First day of senior year! And uh... I look around at these kids that I've known all my life and I ask myself—what happened?
[KIDS, sung]
Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-eyes! Poser! Lard-ass!
[VERONICA]
We were so tiny, happy and shiny
Playing tag and getting chased
[KIDS]
Freak! Slut! Loser! Shortbus!
[VERONICA]
Singing and clapping, laughing and napping
Baking cookies, eating paste
[KIDS]
Bull-dyke! Stuck-up! Hunchback!
[VERONICA]
Then we got bigger, that was the trigger
Like the Huns invading Rome
(spoken)
Oh, sorry!
(sung)
Welcome to my school, this ain't no high school:
This is the Thunderdome
Hold your breath and count the days, we're graduating soon
[KIDS]
White trash!
[VERONICA]
College will be paradise, if I'm not dead by June!
But I know, I know, life can be beautiful
I pray, I pray for a better way
If we changed back then, we could change again
We can be beautiful...
[A PREPPY STUD knocks a HIPSTER DORK to the floor.]
[HIPSTER DORK, spoken]
Ow!
[VERONICA, sung]
Just not today
(spoken)
Hey, are you okay?
[HIPSTER DORK, spoken]
Get away, nerd
[VERONICA, spoken]
Oh, okay
[KIDS, sung]
Freak! Slut! Cripple! Homo! Homo! Homo!
[VERONICA]
Things will get better soon as my letter
Comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown
Wake from this coma, take my diploma
Then I can blow this town
Dream of ivy-covered walls and smoky French cafés
[VERONICA jostles RAM SWEENEY.]
[RAM, spoken]
Watch it!
[VERONICA]
Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!
[RAM upends VERONICA'S lunch tray.]
[RAM, spoken]
Ooooops
[VERONICA, spoken]
Ram Sweeney. Third year as linebacker and eighth year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick
[RAM, spoken]
What did you say to me, skank?
[VERONICA, spoken]
Aah, nothing!
[VERONICA] [KIDS]
But I know, I know... I know, I know...
Life can be beautiful Beautiful
I pray, I pray I pray, I pray
For a better way For a better way
We were kind before; Oooh...
We can be kind once more Oooh...
We can be beautiful... Oooh... Beautiful...
[MARTHA approaches.]
[VERONICA, spoken]
Agh!... Hey Martha
[MARTHA, spoken]
Hey
[MARTHA helps VERONICA pick up her tray.]
[VERONICA, spoken]
Martha Dunnstock. My best friend since diapers
[MARTHA, spoken]
We on for movie night?
[VERONICA, spoken]
Yeah, you're on Jiffy Pop detail
[MARTHA, spoken]
I rented "The Princess Bride."
[VERONICA, spoken]
Ho-ho-ho, again? Wait, don't you have it memorized by now?
[MARTHA, spoken]
What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending
[KURT, spoken]
Martha Dumptruck! Wide load! Honnnnnk!
[KURT KELLY knocks the tray from MARTHA'S hands.]
[KURT, spoken]
Hahaaa!
[VERONICA, spoken]
Kurt Kelly. Quarterback. He is the smartest guy on the football team. Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf
[KURT, spoken]
Haha! Alriiight!
[VERONICA, spoken (furious, to KURT)]
Hey! Pick that up! Right now!
[KURT, spoken]
I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?
[VERONICA, spoken]
Yes, I am. I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend. You're a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant
[KURT, spoken]
...You have a zit right there...
[KURT and KIDS laugh]
[VERONICA, spoken]
Dear diary:
(sung)
Why....
[HIPSTER DORK]
Why do they hate me?
[REPUBLICAN GIRL]
Why don’t I fight back?
[KURT]
Why do I act like such a creep?
[VERONICA]
Why…
[MARTHA]
Why won’t he date me?
[RAM]
Why did I hit him?
[STONER CHICK, MS. FLEMING & BLOW-DRIED PREPPY]
Why do I cry myself to sleep?
[VERONICA]
Why…
[KIDS]
Somebody hug me!
Somebody fix me!
Somebody save me!
[KIDS & VERONICA]
Send me a sign, God!
Give me some hope, here!
Something to live for!
[The three HEATHERS enter.]
[KIDS]
Ahh! Heather, Heather, and Heather!
[VERONICA, spoken]
And then there's the Heathers. They float above it all
[KIDS]
I love Heather, Heather, and Heather
[VERONICA, spoken] [KIDS]
Heather McNamara, head cheerleader. Her dad is loaded—he sells engagement rings. I hate Heather, Heather, and Heather
Heather Duke, runs the yearbook. No discernible personality, but her mom did pay for implants. I want Heather, Heather, and Heather
And Heather Chandler, the Almighty
She is a mythic bitch. I need Heather, Heather—
[VERONICA, spoken]
They're solid Teflon—never bothered, never harassed
I would give anything to be like that
[KIDS]
Mmmm...
[HIPSTER DORK, spoken]
I'd like to be their boyfriend
[KIDS]
That would be beautiful...
Mmmm...
[STONER CHICK, spoken]
If I sat at their table, guys would notice me
[KIDS]
So beautiful...
Ooooh...
[MARTHA, spoken]
I'd like them to be nicer
[KIDS]
That would be beautiful...
Ooooh...
[BELEAGUERED GEEK, spoken]
I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked in an abandoned warehouse and leave her tied up for the rats
[VERONICA enters the girls' bathroom. HEATHER CHANDLER and MCNAMARA are watching HEATHER DUKE vomit into a toilet.]
[HEATHER CHANDLER, spoken]
Grow up, Heather. Bulimia is so '87.
[HEATHER MCNAMARA, spoken]
Maybe you should see a doctor, Heather
[HEATHER DUKE, spoken]
Yeah, Heather. Maybe I should
[MS. FLEMING, spoken]
Ah, Heather and Heather
[HEATHER DUKE vomits.]
...and Heather. Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting. You're late for class
[VERONICA scribbles on a piece of paper.]
[HEATHER CHANDLER, spoken]
Heather wasn't feeling well. We're helping her
[MS. FLEMING, spoken]
Not without a hall pass, you're not. Week's detention
[VERONICA, spoken]
Um, actually, Ms. Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass. Yearbook committee
[MS. FLEMING, spoken]
...I see you're all listed. Hurry up and get where you're going
[HEATHER CHANDLER, spoken]
This is an excellent forgery. Who are you?
[VERONICA, spoken]
Uh... Veronica Sawyer. I crave a boon
[HEATHER CHANDLER, spoken]
What boon?
[VERONICA, spoken]
Um. Let me sit at your table, at lunch. Just once. No talking necessary. If people think that you guys tolerate me, then they'll leave me alone...
[HEATHERS laugh]
Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips, and absence notes
[HEATHER DUKE, spoken]
How about prescriptions?
[HEATHER CHANDLER, spoken]
Shut up, Heather
[HEATHER DUKE, spoken]
Sorry, Heather
[HEATHER CHANDLER inspects VERONICA'S face.]
[HEATHER CHANDLER, spoken]
For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure
[HEATHER MCNAMARA, spoken]
And a symmetrical face. If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching halves. That's very important
[HEATHER DUKE, spoken]
Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds
[HEATHER CHANDLER]
And ya know, ya know, ya know?
This could be beautiful
Mascara, maybe some lip gloss
And we're on our way
Get this girl some blush;
And Heather, I need your brush
Let's make her beautiful
[HEATHER MCNAMARA]
Let's make her beautiful...
[HEATHER DUKE]
Let's make her beautiful...
[HEATHER CHANDLER]
Make her beautiful...
(spoken)
Okay?
[VERONICA, spoken]
Okay!
[Another day, another hellish lunch.]
[KURT]
Out of my way, geek!
[BELEAGUERED GEEK]
I don't want trouble—
[RAM]
You're gonna die at 3pm!
[REPUBLICANETTE & NEW WAVE GIRL]
Don't you dare touch me! Get away, pervert!
[BELEAGUERED GEEK]
What did I ever do to them?
[KIDS]
Who could survive this?
I can't escape this!
I think I'm dying!
[MS. FLEMING]
Who's that with Heather?
[THE HEATHERS enter again...]
[KIDS, spoken]
Whoa
(sung)
Heather, Heather, Heather...
[NEW WAVE GIRL]
And someone!
[KIDS]
Heather, Heather, Heather...
[GOWAN & COACH]
And a babe!
[KIDS]
Heather, Heather
